Forgiveness is an Art of Honesty
I read a quote today about forgiveness that stirred my brain.
"If we stop to apologize and ask forgiveness each time we step on each other's toes we won't have time to be friends." Hm. I disagree.
| A Lesson I Learned About Forgiveness |
One time I returned home from a visit to see my twin sister with one of her shirts in my bag. I could have text her, told her I had it and asked what she wanted me to do with it. Instead I kept it, because I really liked it. Weeks later there it was staring at me. "This is wrong", I thought. I could have sheepishly pretended that I didn't notice it, that I had found it, or made up some other perfect excuse as to why I had her shirt. Instead, I felt compelled to mail it to her with a letter acknowledging that I had the shirt. I told her that I knew I had it and that I kept it because I liked it.
This was a lesson in forgiveness. And I had to ask for it.
I Asking for it |
Asking for forgiveness says:
I acknowledge I did something that did hurt you or could have hurt you.
I am being honest with myself and with you.
I am letting go of any bitterness or shame I might feel because of what I did.
I Giving it |
When you say "I forgive you" you are also saying:
I let go of any offense or bitterness, inside of me because of something you did.
I keep my boundaries but I I tear down any wall I have up
(I have found that walls are a bitter built barrier whereas boundaries are a loving distance)
I am free of your guilt and shame, as well as mine.
I will not hold this situation against you or use it to taint your character.
|What it is not|
Forgiveness does not say:
I trust you (now or again)
I have no boundaries
We can have a healthy, close relationship
^because sometimes the person you forgive is also a person that is not safe with your heart so you can choose not to give them your heart but still forgive them, which releases the pain you may be holding.
Forgiveness is HARD. I repeat HARD. Sometimes it is easier to give than it is to ask for. Sometimes it is harder to give than we want it to be. Sometimes we don't even know we need to give it or ask for it.
EVERY time I have walked through a process of asking for or giving forgiveness, I have been better for it. It is something worth considering, something worth your time, and something worth your friendship.
.......By the way, my sister forgave me. She is as sweet as a pie.
- Insights from Ash